A Sudbury man found out that wiping feces on someone does, in fact, qualify as assault—because apparently, that wasn’t obvious. The courtroom revelation adds a new chapter to “what not to do in public,” reminding everyone that common decency isn’t just moral—it’s now legally enforceable.
Why settle for bottle service when Don Jr will sell you Team Trump on tap? The latest D.C. hotspot offers exclusivity with a side of political networking—provided your wallet’s as big as your ambition.
Move over, Dan Brown—Marjorie Taylor Greene’s got Vatican conspiracies no fiction writer could dream up. The Georgia congresswoman claims Catholic bishops have their spiritual Wi-Fi set to “Satanic control.”
Who needs elected officials when you have an empty chair ready to listen? Florida constituents staged an entire town hall, grilling furniture with the kind of stubborn optimism that only democracy—or improv—can supply.
The Pentagon just got a glam squad. Move over, military briefings—there’s a new battle for flawless foundation under the fluorescent lights. Apparently, national security now includes HD-ready complexions.
Sarah Palin claims a New York Times editorial left her feeling spiritually deflated—because nothing says modern politics like losing your oomph in open court.
Shanghai shoppers can now liquefy their gold trinkets at an ATM and watch their savings melt away—literally. This futuristic gold-melting cash machine redefines “liquid assets” and makes old VCRs look like untapped treasure chests.
A fired Disney worker hacked food menus to slip in profanities and chaos, earning himself a three-year vacation courtesy of federal prison. Turns out, the happiest place on Earth does not tolerate ‘Cheesy Shits’ with your fries.
Residents of Trang, Thailand, think Nutcha’s massive 3.8-foot dreadlock isn’t just a hair-raising sight—it’s literally haunted. Local folklore collides with flyaway follicles as “ghost hair” becomes the town’s supernatural centerpiece.
The UK’s latest nuclear project screeched to a halt after a brigade of radioactive rats decided to make it their new home. Britain’s nuclear ambitions just got upstaged by rodent squatters with a glow-in-the-dark twist.
Dubai drinkers now pay $100 for Greenlandic ice cubes in their cocktails, proving luxury knows no bounds—or logic. Greenland's new export: ancient iceberg cubes straight to your glass, climate guilt included free of charge.
Education Secretary advocates for AI in kindergartens—soon, kids will have tech teaching them everything but how to color inside the lines.
Austrian brewery tackles festival restroom waste by crafting beer from urine. Sip sustainability in every drop—because nothing says eco-friendly like a 'pisner.'
Easter took an unexpected turn when one man's idea of festive fun involved plastic eggs stuffed with marijuana. Forget chocolate bunnies—this cannabis caper has local police scratching their heads and competitors searching high and low for herb-filled surprises.
Marvel the parrot's bacon-fueled rescue drama has neighbors questioning bird school curriculum. Forget cats in trees—now it’s clueless parrots stymied by basic gravity.
